Who wouldn’t love to immediately come into one billion tax-free dollars? Just in case this happens to me (because we all know how likely that is), I have made a list of precisely how I would spend that money…
First, I would pay off all my pesky student loans. Take that, Citibank, Great Lakes, Sallie Mae, and UAS! Second, I would take care of my parents’ and siblings’ debt, mortgages, and other outstanding expenses. Third, I would buy a house (with a pool, large backyard, and state of the art kitchen) and a new car. I assume my boyfriend would like to trade his car in for something different, and I would gladly arrange for that to happen. I would also hire a personal chef to come in a few days a week to help with meal preparation and grocery shopping, and hire a cleaning service and for someone to do the god-damned ironing. I would also arrange for a gardener to expertly landscape my yard and assist me with my houseplants.
After those items have been taken care of, I could leisurely spend my money on the following items and services, listed in no particular order:
- Buy a puppy. Or two.
- Get bi-weekly pedicures. That’s right, bitches, I am never painting my own toenails AGAIN! Mwahahaha.
- New clothes, new makeup, new shoes… because I can.
- Completely re-do my classroom, complete with new organization, comfy pillows for the reading nook, every and any art supply I could ever need, and a seriously fleshed out classroom library. Yes, that’s right – I would keep my job (for at least a while)!
- Extravagant gifts for the ones I love.
- Vacations, vacations, vacations.
- Hire a personal trainer.
- Donate regularly to charities, especially those aiding children and families in the United States to obtain proper housing, nutrition, and education. Also, to charities that help families with members who have special needs.
- Start college funds for my future children and my lovely nieces.
- Random acts of kindness for strangers. Also, extravagant tips for service workers.
- Did I mention a puppy?
It’s so easy to picture myself relaxing in such a luxurious lifestyle. Now all I need is the cash!