niennie

twenty-something. girly girl. teacher. puppy-enthusiast.

Daily Prompt: Mirror, Mirror

14 Comments

Daily Prompt: Mirror, Mirror

Interesting that this prompt comes up this morning, shortly after I read this post by Opinionated Man, who seems to be clairvoyant and answered a question before it was even asked.

Anyway.  I’m avoiding the prompt.  Why?  Because I don’t like what I see in the mirror.  I have a horrible body image and am full of criticism and hatred of myself.  It doesn’t matter what I actually am.  It doesn’t matter how others see me.  When your brain constantly tells you that you are fat, lazy, stupid, selfish, bitchy, moody, unattractive, mean, apathetic… it’s hard to feel anything but awful.

Which triggers the avoidance.  Which builds walls.  Which causes rifts in relationships, which prevents progress.  The walls keep the negatives in, and the positives out.

How do you change that?  How do you break those walls down?  I can tell myself that those things aren’t true, that I’m a good person, I’m smart, I’m pretty, and yes there are things I am working on or need to change, but that doesn’t make me a terrible person.

I can do that.  But how do I make myself believe it?  My boyfriend says that I need to keep telling myself that.  Keep saying it over and over and eventually it will sink in.  But that sounds too good to be true, like I’m brainwashing myself.

I guess at this point, there’s no harm in giving it a try, is there?  I mean, really, what do I have to lose?  Nothing.  It’s not going to make me hate myself more, so either my feelings stay the same or they get better.  At least with those options there is a possibility of a gain, of an upswing.

So here we go.

I am smart.  I am good at my job.  My students love me.  I bring a lot to the table and contribute with my colleagues.  I am creative, I am a hard worker, and I am accomplished.  I am pretty, I am strong, I have lots of love to give.  I am level-headed and helpful.  I am successful.  I am good at many things.  I am open to learning new things.  I am willing to please.  I have value.  I have insecurities… but they do not matter.

My head still hurts.

But I am calm.

Advertisements

Author: niennie

My endless stream of musings and rambling thoughts stem from my loquacious tendencies and intrinsic need to communicate with members of society. Mostly this blog is a place for me to talk about my passions - teaching, reading, cooking, my family, my lover - and is a tool for me to work on being more introspective.

14 thoughts on “Daily Prompt: Mirror, Mirror

  1. I am having a morning beer myself. Helps keep headaches away. 😉 Thanks for the mention and that was a nice read. -OM

  2. Pingback: Of mirrors and reflections | Concentrate On Yourself

  3. Pingback: Mirror, Mirror:rorriM ,rorriM | Khana's Web

  4. Pingback: Daily Prompt: Mirror, Mirror | Chronicles of an Anglo Swiss

  5. Pingback: The Clash/Daily Prompt, Mirrors | I'm a Writer, Yes I Am

  6. Pingback: Mirror, Mirror | Lead us from the Unreal to the Real

  7. Pingback: Daily prompt: Mirror Mirror | The Wandering Poet

  8. Pingback: Funhouse! | Edward Hotspur

  9. Pingback: Who? Me? | Words 'n Pics...

  10. Pingback: FOREVER FLAWED | hastywords

  11. Pingback: Always The Bridesmaid, Never The Bride | Pinstripes&Lipgloss

  12. Pingback: Mirror, Mirror | The Hickey Diaries

  13. Pingback: Mirror, mirror | Life as a country bumpkin...not a city girl

  14. Pingback: A Poetic Duet With Alex Hicks – “Silhouette of Distortion” | toofulltowrite (I've started so I'll finish)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s